If you ain't got this you ain't got anythin'. I don't know where to fac'in start. Flea. Flea on that bass, yeah? Just... just fac'in listen to it. There are people in this world who 'ave never 'eard Give It Away and those people are walking around like zombies not even knowing what's fac'in missing from their souls. I 'ad this on in the shop every single day. Every. Single. Day. Trading Standards took the CD when they cleared us out. That is a fac'in war crime. That is what it is.

 

We met The Cult during the Electric sessions. We was at Virgin then, yeah, just starting out. Marty reckons they thought we'd spiked their pints. They 'adn't, obviously — though I'm not saying it didn't cross me mind. Greatest heavy rock record of the decade. Love Removal Machine? Come off it. That is a fac'in TUNE. I played this to a kid in the shop once and 'e literally started crying. Proper crying. I gave 'im a tissue and 'e bought three copies. That's customer service, that is.

 

Henry Rollins is a god. Not THE God — that's me, obviously — but A god. This record is what 'appened when four blokes from Hermosa Beach decided that the world was not fac'in good enough and did something about it. Which is essentially what me and Mar'ee tried to do with Falcon. We just also 'ad tea. And shelves. And a returns policy, which is more than Black Flag 'ad and which is EXACTLY why Trading Standards are sniffing around us and not fac'in Black Flag, the establishment-serving bastards.

 

Now you might fink this is an odd one from a man of me musical persuasion but listen. LISTEN. Iggy Pop with David Bowie in Berlin, yeah, and they make this album that sounds like the inside of yer 'ead at three in the morning when you've 'ad too many and you can't work out if yer cold or warm and the ceiling keeps fac'in breathing. China Girl. Nightclubbing. Sister Midnight. This record got me through some very dark times in the sewers. I'm not ashamed to say that. I am ashamed of some other things I did in the sewers but that's a different fac'in matter.

 

Lemmy is God. I know I said I was God earlier but Lemmy is ALSO God. There are multiple gods. Don't @ me. This album 'as got absolutely no business being as good as it is. It sounds like someone recorded a war and then turned it up. Me and Marty used to play this when we were doing stocktake and Marty would do air guitar while still counting fac'in vinyl which is a skill I 'ave never seen another 'uman being manage. I miss those days. I will not weep in front of you. I 'ave me pride.

 

If you don't know what quiet-loud-quiet is, listen to this record and you will fac'in understand immediately. Where Is My Mind? We used to play that in the shop and without fail, without fac'in fail, every customer who 'eard it would stop what they was doing and just stand there with their gob open. Then they'd ask what it was. Then they'd buy it. Then they'd come back the next day to say thank you. That is what a record shop does. That is why what 'e did to us was not just a crime against me and Mar'ee but a fac'in crime against music and the community and the 'ole of 'uman culture as we know it.

 

Right. Now. This is what we used to play on a Sunday afternoon when it was quiet and the light was going and you'd 'ad a decent cup of tea and it felt like the shop was the best place in the fac'in world to be, which it was. Red Right Hand. Into My Arms. Do You Love Me? Nick Cave sounds like 'e's been through absolute 'ell and come out the other side with a fac'in bow tie on. Which is sort of what I've done, except my bow tie is an FM Music staff badge and I'm not sure Nick Cave ever spent time in a sewer.

 

The most underrated band in the fac'in universe. Bar none. I don't care who you are or what you fink you know about music — if you 'aven't 'eard Houdini, you 'aven't 'eard music. Kurt Cobain produced it which tells you something. Cobain knew. 'E fac'in knew. Marty used to say this was the record 'e'd 'ave with 'im on a desert island, which I always fink is an interesting choice given that most of it sounds like a desert island that's in the process of 'aving a fac'in breakdown. But then so does Marty after enough Brew, so that makes sense.

 

Straight edge. Ian MacKaye. No drink, no drugs, no meat, no casual sex. I 'ave not personally lived by these principles — not even fac'in close, especially during 2001 to 2003 — but I admire the commitment enormously. This is 45 minutes of pure fac'in fury on a CD. If you feel like the world's against ya — and some of us 'ave very good reason to feel exactly that — you put this on, and you remember that somewhere, at some point, someone channelled their rage into something beautiful. Then you 'ave a glass of Chardonnay and calm daaahn.

 

I know I already put this first. I'm putting it last as well. Don't argue with me on this.