The Rise And Fall Of Falcon Records — AND RISE OF FM MUSIC!!!!
MARTY NEWSFLASH
Could this be true? Could our loveable hater of French coffee really be reeling around in the sewers after all this time?
This newsflash, sent in by a semi-reliable source, could tell a tragic story....
BREAKING. 14:37hrs.
Reports are coming in from a source described as "semi-reliable at best, absolute pisshead at worst" that Martin Griffiths — known to the faithful as Marty, Mar'ee, Marzipan, and once, memorably, The Artiste — has been spotted in the vicinity of Camden Town underground station.
The source, who wishes to remain anonymous but smells of wet dog and has a tattoo of a pelican on his neck, claims to have witnessed a figure matching Marty's description — stocky, bearded, wearing what appeared to be combat shorts in November — rummaging through a bin outside Sainsbury's Local on the High Street. "It was definitely 'im," said our source, pausing to finish a bag of pork scratchings. "'E was muttering something about Chardonnay being a 'fac'in bourgeois wine' and asking a confused tourist for a spare can. I nearly said something but I didn't want to get involved."
The question on everyone's lips is: has Si's departure for Southampton left Marty truly rudderless? Sources close to the situation (i.e., a bloke who was in the same pub as us when we discussed it) suggest that Marty's well-publicised plans for a cartooning comeback have hit a snag — specifically the snag of not having any paper, pens, or in fact a functioning address.
When we telephoned FM Music to ask Si for comment, the following exchange took place:
US: "Si, there are reports that Marty's back on the—"
SI: "Whhyy? 'Old on a sec — WHHHHYYYY?"
[The line goes dead.]
We take this as confirmation that the man is rattled.
LATEST: A second source has now come forward claiming to have seen someone matching Marty's description attempting to board the 134 bus to Tottenham without paying. The driver, a Mr. D. Okonkwo, described the individual as "large, smelly, and surprisingly articulate about the failings of the modern independent music retail sector."
If you have information on Marty's current whereabouts, please contact us immediately. Do not approach him. He may be drunk and is almost certainly owed several cups of tea.
UPDATE 16:02hrs.
Marty has called the site. He cannot reveal his location but says he is "fac'in fine, no thanks to Blondie." He refused to elaborate on "Blondie" but we assume this refers to Si. He asked us to tell everyone he has been working on his cartoons and that they are "fac'in brilliant." We believe him. He then asked if we could lend him a fiver. We declined.
Could be in Southampton. Could be in a drain. Could be both at the same time.